Chaos in Laos

Laos is lovely and laid-back. Put simply, what is there not to like…

The locals are incredibly friendly. Everyone you see cheers hello with a smiley ‘saibadee’. The national brew BeerLao is delicious and the landscape of mountains, waterfalls, rivers and green forests more than makes up for its lack of beaches.

In the sleepy capital Vietiane Dave and I had a classic catch up with India travelling buds Jay and Caron plus met their mates Jamie and Lianne.

We went to Thakek to motorbike a 450km circuit through the breathtaking countryside. Despite a minor three bike pile-up and brief hospital patch-up, ‘the loop’ was a roaring success.

For many, the highlight is a 12km boat trip through Konglor Cave. It was cool, but my favourite part was scaling a winding mountain road for an hour to reach an unbelievable panoramamic view from the top.

Each night we stayed in guesthouses in fairly remote villages. One night we accidentally (I swear) went to two brothels. To be fair, the first had a BBQ outside and appeared to be a regular bar until the pimp appeared after we’d ordered a beer. We promptly left and went to another bar. Yup. brothel, too…

Next up was Vang Vieng. The place gets a bit of stick for being a backpacker’s playground. Say what you like, it’s a great place for a party, ideal since it was my birthday.

Wearing my present of a fetching, if skimpy, outfit, we went tubing before going out on the town in the evening. Countless tequila slammers and Dave’s flawless rendition of the entire Billie Jean dance routine made sure the night was a good one.

We headed on to Luang Prabang and visited Kuang Si waterfall, it’s one of the best I’ve seen and with photography teacher and generally good guy Zach in tow, it was a great place to learn a bit about cameras .

In Luang Prabang we played footy on the same ‘pitch’ two nights running. Pitch is in inverted commas since it was a dustbowl littered with rocks and even a fire at one point.

As Dave departed to London to begin a new job, the rest of us headed North to Meung Neua where I’m delighted to report I was hammock-bound and horizontal for most of the 10 chilled days we spent there.  Just gazing across a river at picturesque forested cliffs, it felt like the place you dream of when you’re in the office. Where a day spent juggling and reading Roald Dahl books felt like hard work. It took over a week before I bothered to walk for half an hour to visit a cave.

I also saw my first cock fight.

Despite it’s charms, the concept of economics hasn’t yet reached the village. All papayas cost 50p, even the one the size of the other three put together. So once you’ve bought and eaten that, you feel like you’re being ripped off buying the others for the next three days.

We stayed a few nights in equally attractive Nong Khiaw and played football at the local school. Fortunately for the first time on the trip, my team won and the local kids went loopy when we gave them a couple of footballs.

We returned to Luang Prabang, where I visited the Wat Xieng Thong temple complex. I liked it, even though I’ve become a temple snob.

Somehow I found myself heading back to Thailand alongside exercise addict Jamie to try out Muay Thai.

A lazy wimp tries the world’s most brutal martial art. What’s the worst that can happen?

Don’t answer that.